I have hated (most of) this month.
Between my health issues escalating and then being so negatively impacted by the thoughtless behaviour of others – I have reached a limit I thought impossible to reach. A limit I wasn’t pushed to over a failed pregnancy, followed by homelessness and divorce. A limit I could glimpse but didn’t fully get to when I eventually had to give up teaching.
But I am there now, and I am very fragile.
After the first major incident of the month, and in order to protect myself, I shrank my social circle to those friends who are so close you have your own short hand with. Those friends that, when you call and ask for a hug – they are there within hours. The friends who don’t try and sleep with your future husband as you yourself sleep in the next room.
What I didn’t expect was the petulant childish backlash I would get from just not wanting to communicate with anyone outside my protective bubble.
I discovered that today (when I finally was feeling ready to write again) when I logged in to WordPress, a huge percentage of content had been removed from this site by someone who was once trusted as co-editor and moderator within our community.
That was the final straw.
By all means, shit on me, shit on friendship but don’t shit on my work projects that I have put hundreds of fucking hours into.
If it were not for the fact I started therapy & yoga this month, I imagine I would probably be at the bottom of a bottle now doing something vengeful so I could feel like I had a ‘quick win’ back.
But you can’t rush karma.