Bash the Teacher! – Classroom Clicker

As a former teacher I was interested in the premise of the game and so when I saw it on Keymailer, I decided asking for it couldn’t hurt.
You can see the first and completed play through here, and my fucking god – it was a slog.

Bash the Teacher! - Classroom Clicker on Steam

I don’t know what I thought this would be, but a PC game it is not. Its just tapping, no skill, no creativity, just tapping. Either you hit QWE at the same time to hit all three targets or you left click or hit W until you get RSI. I figured out the triple key tapping a bit too late and could have saved myself a load of time getting the first teacher to resign if I had known, but it still all amounts to just fucking 1000’s of key pressed to unlock everything and to get them all to fucking leave.

Not that they leave forever mind you, yeah that’s right, the QUITTING teachers come back to growl at you like those unfriendly dogs you go to pet and realise if you get any closer, you might lose your wanking hand.

Bash the Teacher! - Classroom Clicker Achievements

The graphics remind me of the old flash games you used to get on Ebaumsworld (where Plague inc first took life), and they are clean and pleasant enough, with various animations for different teacher scenarios. There are a few different ones, and when a new one gets added there is a little shred of excitement that promptly gets shat on because it becomes another over-used game mechanic that you CANNOT skip.
I managed to get the projectile throwing down so fast, the longest part of each teachers stay (aside from the depression meter) was the fucking animations each time they got a little bit pissed off.

I feel I also need to mention the old female teacher especially – why does she have tiny saggy tits that wibble and wobble side to side? Who thought that was a good idea? I found myself singing “do your tits hang low”… it was… troubling to say the least,

Having unlocked every weapon, pet and desk item I was left with a bunch of hollow achievements – and come from a self confessed achievement/trophy whore this is seriously sad.
Once I figured out I could unlock everything by the 3rd and final teacher had quit, I went for it – much to the streams annoyance. They hated the game.

The final and biggest piss-take this game offered was your ‘reward’ for finishing the game, a punchbag of perpetual clicking. That’s it, just more fucking tapping & clicking.
I will never 100% this game unless I complete every other game in the known universe.

This is a kids tablet game and its… URGH.

Shiney rating
0.5 paws out of 5
It gets some paw because the graphics are better than Egg King. I completed it because I knew I could, not because I enjoyed it. Save your life minutes for something more interesting like watching paint dry or counting how many lies Boris Johnson can tell you about the UK education system since he got elected. Literally anything else in the world is less futile.

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