Egg King

Egg Pun GIF by yippywhippy - Find & Share on GIPHY

Anyone who’s been on my streams knows I am a HUGE fan of cracking good eggs puns, I love poaching them off the internet to scramble Shineyduckys soft boiled brain, so this game was an obvious choice to apply for when it came up on keymailer.

You can see the full game played through here, but massive warning – its infuriating as fuck.

Infuriating is this games thing, it is the single worst game we have played in 2021.
I didn’t get to enjoy my egg puns because there is no fucking enjoyment in this game.

Egg King on Steam

The game boasted you could complete this in 1 to 2 hours in the press kit, and yeah they were right we did, it has now been uninstalled never to been loaded or looked at again.
Basically the ‘plot’ is that the old King was a wanker, dragon offs him so you go and look for the crown so you can be the new King (because obviously all one has to do to be ruler is wear a crown, right?)

You travel through 5 ‘areas’ I say areas and not levels because they are just fucking monotonous repetitions of the same artwork with varying obstacles of differing levels of fucking infuriation with new things thrown in without warning the minute you think you have finally the game nailed.
There is just so much that doesn’t make sense to game play – how do you descend a castle to then find yourself in tree tops, slide down snowy mountains only to be at the top of volcano and then casually walk into a dragonless dragons den, with other eggs that are asleep WHICH YOU CAN BOUNCE ON.

I hated this game.

Look at this fucking wall, actually don’t it’ll make your eyes hurt

The volcano areas stones were so repetitive it literally made my eyes HURT. YES MY EYES HURT – much like they do after you have played 16 hours of the same game, but no it was less than two hours and that is time I will never get back.

If you do decide (but fucking don’t) to play this game, play on normal, with guide. I can’t see how else it would be tolerable. Checkpoints are so badly spaced, artwork is beyond receptive (2 types of trees seriously, TWO TYPES OF FUCKING TREES) and the music was also, shockingly… you guessed it REPETITIVE. The crack mechanism was unnecessary and just added to the arbitrary difficulty. There is no fun here, this is where fun came to die.

In terms of what it is like to stream this game:

Pros
Your audience can make the egg puns for you – if they stick around
You can all hate it together
Everyone will be glad when it ends

Cons
Huge hit to viewing stats (my average was well & truly fucked by the game)
Drop off rate in chat because what can anyone say?
Infuriating to watch

I suppose you could try and get a speed run out of it if you wanted to make it competitive or more ‘interesting’ but I think this is secretly going to be one of those games that gets used in the type of torture where your eyes are held open and you can’t look away. The only reason we made it through the game was because ShineyDucky took over for me. I couldn’t take anymore after the shitting volcano. Duck is a hero and needs to be paid for this valiant efforts. Devs, you should pay him.

I get everyone has to start somewhere but this feels like a project turned in by a Year 11 for their GCSE assessment and as someone who used to mark those, I have seen 12 year olds make better games using Scratch.

Shiney rating
0 paws out of 5.
If I could give it minus paws I would. Its the worst game of 2021. The fact that when its released on the 10th of December it wants $4.99 is an honest to god shocking piss take. You should be paying anyone who manages not to rage quit descending the fucking castle.

12 thoughts on “Egg King

  1. I have just one thing to say: you’re a very very poor man. If you write such mean things you’re either very shallow or a psycopath. I wish you to be treated just the way you treat people and hopefully if you’ll become sane one day i wish you to feel regret. I give your review 0 paws out of 5. And if i could give it minus i would. Good luck living with yourself.

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    1. Firstly, please don’t gender me incorrectly. It’s rude. Secondly this my my website and my honest review of what was frankly a shit game. I don’t feel regret, it’s a TERRIBLE game. You can see us suffer through the whole 90 minutes of it on our stream. No one should pay for this game. If that offends you get off the internet. People are entitled to their opinions.

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    2. I just have one thing to say: you’re a very very poor person. If you come to such places where people write their opinions freely and immediately batter their approach or their reviews, then you’re either VERY shallow or are SUPER deluded. I wish that your game (assuming that you’re a/the developer of the game) is reviewed 100% honestly by every person who plays it, as it has been done here and hopefully you’ll wake up from your delusion and come down from your high horse, feel regret and accept criticism on a valid level. I give your review of ShineyCat’s review 0 Paws out of 5 and if I could give it a minus, I would. Good luck continuing to produce games when you don’t take on critisism.

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      1. Firstly, am not the producer of the game and secondly i think people who dont talk respectfully are not worth a good review.

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      2. No, but as you kindly supplied your email address we can see you are the artist.
        There is nothing respectful in saying someone has a mental health condition because I found your artwork lazy and repetitive. You’re just digging yourself a hole now, may I suggest you take the feedback of someone whos been reviewing games for over a decade and playing them for nearly 30 years, and who also used to teach students how to MAKE games when I was head of Computer Science on the chin, dry your tears and MOVE ON.

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    1. There is no room in this world for the “niceness” YOU seek as it would be pandering, babying, indulging in delusive behaviours of people with big egos who throw tantrums when any criticism is delivered. If all developers, artists and people of any creative jurisdiction behaved in the manor you do and “we” as a collective of reviewers, players, observers and just the general consensus of people behaved “nicer” as you call it then the world would be more full of absolute shit that it already is. And instead of learning that your game or art is bad because people are telling you that it is and giving suggestions or making criticism on how to fix it, WHICH WILL HELP YOU NEXT TIME, they learn from going bankrupt via making the same mistakes over and over again because their ego is too high up in the clouds to see what they’ve fucked up below them.

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