I remember that weekend where seemingly everyone I knew on twitch was playing this game, and it had escaped me COMPLETELY. So I clicked to watch a few peeps play and I was like “these cunts have ripped off Left 4 Dead!” (the game that made me get steam) – to only then realise its the same dev team. Filling me with a bubble of hope and joy about a new game that is frankly unprecedented after feeling let down a fair bit already this year by both newer games & older games shitting themselves.

I was hesitant with huge console price tag, especially after being burned by Aliens and Deathloop, but I adored Left 4 Dead all those years ago in my student house. I didn’t spring for the early access, so you can watch my first play here.

Yeah I said, do not buy this game. The £59.99 price tag on PS4 is not deserved. This isn’t Left 4 Dead, this is a watered down second cousin third removed that tried to pull off former glory and fails to deliver.

First the controls, WTF is with the over-sensitivity? It started off in the mid 20’s but felt like 100% zipping around and can barely shoot shit. I finally found the sweet spot after about two hours of gameplay. But it’s still not as smooth as you’d hope.

Second the characters, or well… lack thereof. Mom is basically just the new Bill BUT YOU CAN’T REPLACE BILL (she even has a cough, like wtaf), and Holly (yay baseball bat) is basically Zoey.
I haven’t unlocked all the characters yet, but thanks to Sony’s shit refund policy I will do, because I now I want to get my monies worth out of this. Only another 8 to go…

Third, the plot – it leaves much to be desired. I don’t get why this group of survivors is together, I don’t get why there are radio messages about lost camps (who cares?) and I don’t get why we are going from safe house to safe house. I finally found out after exploring the main area and character customisations that you are part of a crew of cleaners. So surely we should be going for zero infected everywhere??

Fourthly, the zombies. They aren’t scary, the hoards are too small (and anyone who’s ever dealt with rush hour city centres will be left thinking “bruh, where is everyone?); and there is a total over reliance on the ‘special’ zombie type to add forced pressure to situations. Fucking “tallboy” he’s not tall, he’s the freakish love child of Resident Evils Nemesis with some extra Stretch Armstrong thrown in for his “reach” ability.

Next we have the graphics, this games looks like it was made about 5 years ago by the B-team dev squad. It was so underwhelming that just to show my partner how little its progressed since Left 4 Dead THIRTEEN years ago… AND IT WAS SMOOTHER! NPCs weren’t stuck in doorways glitching, you didn’t get lag spikes when waiting for teammates to load in but you do with Back 4 Blood.

Finally the game mechanics, why the fuck do we need gold and cards? Did someone make a leprechaun zombie that throws his pennies everywhere? The buying mechanic makes zero sense when you are buying out of an un-manned boxed in a safehouse, yeah if there is commerce, fine, but his just doesn’t fit. The card system also seems forced, where have they come from? Seems like another thing new games seem to need or have without any real rationale.

I had high hopes for this game, I really did, and I shouldn’t have. Its the game equivalent of letting the local amateur dramatics finish the final season of the Walking dead. Its a cheap knock off, the mean-girl who gets left crying at prom because she was all sparkle and no substance.

I will finish the campaign because then I will feel like I really have earned the right to slag it off so badly, but its not out of enjoyment. I want to see if it gets any harder or scarier or requires ANY kind of tactics.

Its taken too many hours of gameplay to start to feel like I could have fun, which is not what you want from a full price AAA game. But after 4 hours we needed a break from the CRUSHING TEDIUM!

I regret getting this at full price.
DO NOT make the same mistake I did. Get it on game pass or wait for a sale.

Shiney rating
1.5 paw out of 5.

Why the fuck is it £60? I need breaks from the tedium. JUST DO NOT BUY IT