It’s better than Colonial marines, but that isn’t as good as it sounds…

When it was first released at midnight on August 23^rd my initial reactions were very positive, you can see that here.

What’s happened since is that I have watched the game get 14GB patch, after patch, after patch, none of them addressing the most crippling issue the game is faced with; horrific frame rate drops when confronted with multiple enemies.

Since getting it, I have sat down to play this exactly 4 times, it was cheap on release (£35) so I was hopeful it would be a fun game I could play co-op with my other half… except we can’t.

I am yet to get past the 3^rd mission from Giants in the earth: Evacuate; because what happens when we get to it and with all the simulants and the aliens, the frame rate drops and it becomes a juddery and unplayable mess. It was bad enough when Monica showed up but this was something else. It had even more lag than the worst and darkest months of Dead by Daylight play.

The fact the game has been out a MONTH and has already had more patches than humpty dumpty to try and get it to work shows the absolutely piss poor quality assurance and player testing that went into this before its release. I know I am playing it on PlayStation 4 but I still expect games to be supported for a console that’s less than a decade old when the PS3 was so glorious in both life span and supported content.

To find out from viewers that its even the same pile of dog shit on relatively good PC builds is a fucking joke – I know at least three people who got their money back off steam, and I would have done the same from PlayStation if Sony’s refund policy wasn’t fucking laughable (that’s a separate rant in and of itself).

It doesn’t even feel like it should be an Aliens game. Fans of the franchise wouldn’t expect to be able to melee shove off an attack and still have health left. Also, WHY THE FUCK DOES THE TEAM LEADER KEEP CALLING THEM BUGS?? It should’ve been a Starship troopers game, hands down – but even then it would’ve failed with the poor lazy coding, that even after what 10 patches now and the introduction of a fucking shield class THAT WAS NEVER PART OF CANNON makes me wish this hadn’t been released at all.

Shiney rating
1 paw out of 5.

For that first hours play where I was blissfully unaware how shit it was going to be, and for the one afternoon of giggles we got out of playing it with Shineyducky and RenagadeTigger but mostly because we made our own fun out of blackjack, hookers and momma monkey!